My sweet Potato,

It was on this day, at this moment, 365 days ago that your father called me at work and said, “You need to come now. She is really cold, and they won’t let me see her.”

You were sick, and I had stayed home with you for part of that day. You didn’t want to sit near me, but I made you sit in my lap while I told you I loved you. We were trying out a different vet, because the one we took you to for the rash you had is who made you sick.

I left work immediately.

When I walked in the vet, the words, “My husband is in there with my cat” had barely left my mouth before I heard someone yell “She’s crashing!” and people began to run down the hallway.

Your dad was in the exam room, crying. They wouldn’t let him see you and he couldn’t do anything to help. I heard you choke on the ventilator as you fought them, and your heart stopped. They restarted it. And then the vet came in and gave us our options.

There weren’t very many options. They said that you weren’t responsive. That you were on a ventilator. That they restarted your heart twice. The vet didn’t think that you would survive a trip to the emergency animal hospital.

We went to see you. I was sobbing and so was Pete. There was a tube down your throat, and your eyes were glazed over. You couldn’t see me—your body was already fading away from us.

So I pet you, and asked you to tell me what to do. Asked you if you were going to get better. Told you it was ok for you to go, that I loved you, and I would never forget you. You took your last breath and you were gone.

Now it’s been a year, and the the memories of your last hours haven’t left me yet. It still hurts as much today as it did when it happened.

We had something special, you and I. I’m not sure that I will ever feel that again.

A month after you passed away we welcomed two kittens into our home. I’m not sure that you would like them—they are a little rambunctious.  I love them, but it’s not the same. I think it’s because you chose me the day we went to pick up my cousin’s kitten. You jumped into my arms and started to drool. We needed each other.

I think about you every day, sweet Potato. I never thought it was possible to feel so much grief for an animal, but you were a part of our family. I’m sure that it will get easier each year, but I’ll always remember what you did for me. I’ll always love you.

Love,

Mom