I thought about posting a lot of things in the last twenty minutes or so. And now I don’t feel like it anymore, but I will anyway.

So, world, I am still having a rough time with post-grad. I’ll straight up say I’m not happy. I’m lonely coming home to an empty apartment with the whiny cat that I love, I miss being involved in all of the things that I was in college, with all of the friends that I made. Friends that are still in college. Friends that get to do Tennis Club and SCC and all of the things I thought were stressful.

And when you’re stuck here, in this place, you find out a lot of things. Like, Tennis Club Secretary and SCC Secretary and being Brent’s UCF sidekick is not who I am. Being an English major is not who I am. Being Pete’s girlfriend is also not who I am. I think I let too many things define me in college, and now the only thing that I’m stuck with is myself. And I don’t know that person, except that she still likes to read and surf the internet and listen to Alanis Morissette. I have nothing to do. I work, and work isn’t me either. Somewhere in college, I took on too much and gave up too much of myself, I think, and was so stuck in my routine that I forgot to find things that I liked to do aside from tennis. Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with Denis Pete and my friends. But we’re all so busy. Or they are rather. And I am not…

That’s a scary thing to say, that I don’t know myself. I used to. Sort of.

I need to learn to stop complaining and be content with right now. To stop waiting for the next thing to happen. Because right now, there is no next thing. I’ve done everything I’m supposed to. I’ve gone to school and gotten my job, and now I’m in limbo, and I need to learn to be happy with today, rather than worry so much about the future. And learn not to plan so much.

Today I am thankful that:
I can go on mini-breaks with Pete on the weekends
That Lyanna is wonderful
That I had lunch at Toojays and it was beautiful outside
Today is Friday.