i’m in a pooey mood right now. i’ve been up since 5:30 this morning and fell asleep instead of finishing the work i needed to, and skipped some class and i’m behind in my reading and it amazes me. despite my best intentions i never catch up, i’m bored with school and tired of it. and i’m worried because intramurals still hasn’t paid me anything, and that means that its been forever since i’ve gotten a paycheck. almost two and a half months now. and whats the deal with my tummy? it keeps gurgling and protesting everything i’m eating. SETTLE DOWN yo! i don’t think it understands me!<\/p>\n

good song i like<\/p>\n

Fourteen years
\nThirty minutes
\nFifteen seconds I’ve
\nHeld this grudge<\/p>\n

Eleven songs
\nFour full journals
\nThoughts of punishment
\nI’ve expended<\/p>\n

Not in contact
\nNot a letter
\nSuch communication
\nTelepathic
\nYou’ve been vilified
\nUsed as fodder
\nYou deserve a piece
\nOf every record<\/p>\n

But who’s it hurting now?
\nWho’s the one that’s stuck?
\nWho’s it torturing now
\nWith an antique knot in her stomach?<\/p>\n

I want to be big and let go
\nOf this grudge that’s grown old
\nAll this time I’ve not known
\nHow to rest this bygone
\nI wanna be soft and resolved
\nClean of slate and released
\nI wanna forgive for the both of us<\/p>\n

Like an abandoned house
\nDusty covered
\nFurniture
\nStill intact
\nIf I visit it now
\nWill I simply re-live it
\nSomehow gratuitous<\/p>\n

But who’s still aching now?
\nWho’s tired of her own voice?
\nWho is it weighing down
\nWith no gift from time of said healing<\/p>\n

I want to be big and let go
\nOf this grudge that’s grown old
\nAll this time I’ve not known
\nHow to rest this bygone
\nI wanna be soft and resolved
\nClean of slate and released
\nI wanna forgive for the both of us<\/p>\n

Maybe as I cut the cord
\nVeils will lift from my eyes
\nMaybe as I lay this to rest
\nDead weight off my shoulders will rise<\/p>\n

Here I sit
\nMuch determined
\nEver ill-equipped
\nTo draw this curtain
\nHow this has entertained
\nValidated
\nAnd has served me well
\nEver the victim<\/p>\n

But who’s done whining now?
\nWho’s ready to put down
\nThis load I’ve carried longer than I had cared to remember<\/p>\n

I want to be big and let go
\nOf this grudge that’s grown old
\nFor the life of me I’ve not known
\nHow to rest this bygone
\nI wanna be soft and resolved
\nClean of slate and released
\nI wanna forgive for the both of us.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

i’m in a pooey mood right now. i’ve been up since 5:30 this morning and fell asleep instead of finishing the work i needed to, and skipped some class and i’m behind in my reading and it amazes me. despite my best intentions i never catch up, i’m bored with<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[62],"class_list":["post-99","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s1DIlZ-99","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lindsaykeegan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/99","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lindsaykeegan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lindsaykeegan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lindsaykeegan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lindsaykeegan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=99"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lindsaykeegan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/99\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lindsaykeegan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=99"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lindsaykeegan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=99"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lindsaykeegan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=99"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}