the weird thing about death is that once that person dies, they’re
\ngone. and while all of me knows that papa is up there in heaven with
\naunt andrea and jonathan, it doesn’t really comfort me because i know
\nthat when i go home the next time he’s not going to be there. my
\ngrandma will be in her house all by herself and papa won’t be in the
\nback room by himself. ever since my great grandmother died papa has had
\nher rocking chair in his office in the back of the house. ever since i
\nwas little my grandfather rocked me in that chair and sang some poem to
\nme:<\/p>\n

I think that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.
A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the earth's sweet flowing breast;
A tree that looks at God all day,
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;
A tree that may in Summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;
Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.
Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.


<\/font><\/pre>\n
whenever i was upset i’d go back there and sit in his chair, and he’d
\njust hold me and talk to me and sing to me, up through college, up
\nthrough the time he was sick, when i’d just go lay my head on his leg
\nto let him know i was there. he was so small and so sick at the end he
\nwasn’t even talking, and his kidneys shut down. my mom, my aunt, my
\nuncle, and my grandma were all there when it happened, and my mom said
\nit was peaceful. she called me right after. i just can’t imagine him
\nlaying there, not breathing. he was always so large and so loud with
\nhis booming voice, and he fought so hard.<\/p>\n
i miss my papa. i can’t believe that i am going to go home and there
\nwill be no one to ask me about the “green hornet,” my car, and remind
\nme that i need to keep my wheels on the ground. and to harass me about
\n“that boy” that has stolen me away from him. its not fair. its so
\nselfish but i just want him to come back and be himself 5 years ago.
\nall i really want is to dance with him when i get married. its such a
\nstupid thing and i’ve said it before, and i don’t even know why its so
\nimportant. it was the first thing i thought about when he got sick,
\nbecause back them they gave him less than a year. he made it almost to
\ntwo years. and do you know that peter was the first one that i called,
\nand we weren’t dating? i had just moved into this apartment when we
\nfound out, and had just started at hops. and this time i called peter
\nat work again to let him know that he passed, and he left early. at
\nleast papa got to meet peter and approved of him. and here i am, two
\nyears later, moving out, dating pete, graduating soon, and papa is
\ngone. so i guess that this is growing up.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
the weird thing about death is that once that person dies, they’re gone. and while all of me knows that papa is up there in heaven with aunt andrea and jonathan, it doesn’t really comfort me because i know that when i go home the next time he’s not going<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[62],"class_list":["post-181","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1DIlZ-2V","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lindsaykeegan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/181","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lindsaykeegan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lindsaykeegan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lindsaykeegan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lindsaykeegan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=181"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lindsaykeegan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/181\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lindsaykeegan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=181"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lindsaykeegan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=181"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lindsaykeegan.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=181"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}