It seems to me that they amount of stress I’m undergoing is manifested in my eyes. I don’t know when this happened. I don’t know if its because I internally try and deal with things without talking about them (and without knowing it), or because I have no outlet for underlying stress.

The twitch appeared during catalog season at work in 2006. I had never had a twitch before. It happened in my left eye, and was super annoying. Every minute or so my lower eyelid would twitch, and I couldn’t figure it out. So, in the midst of catalog, I told Rachel, who said “That always happens to me when I’m stressed.”

After catalog, the twitch went away, and reappeared during the next catalog season in 2007. It stayed through that Christmas, because I thought I might get laid off, and I did. It stayed through the time when we got our wedding invitations out, and then it went away. By that time I had found another job (a contract job, but still a job). Things were good, until the twitch came back, 3 weeks before the wedding. I was really stressed out then. So stressed out, in fact, that I burst a blood vessel in my eye THREE DAYS before the wedding. And it was super noticeable. Luckily, I realized I needed to calm down, and it was gone before the wedding.

And the twitch is back. I’m in job limbo. They hired someone to come in as a permanent employee for the position that I’m working right now. They say there will be a place for me. Though that may be true, I can’t help but worry. If I lose my job, we’ll be in huge trouble.

And I have to train this girl, too.

Rub salt into the wound, powers that be. We didn’t hire you, so train this girl to do the job that you’re doing.

I am hoping a few other things come through, but if they don’t, I’m applying like crazy. I don’t expect guarantees out of life. I’ve learned that a company, you’re disposable, contract or not.

I’ll just be happy when the twitch goes away again. It’s getting rather annoying.