I was talking to my mom today about how  I seem to have this expectation that I should be happy all the time, because I think that everyone else is .  And this is true. I think that everyone around me is perfectly content with their life, never in a "whatever" mood, and I’m the only one who ever feels perfect. I really do th think that I have a problem with perfectionism. But anyway, she goes, "Lindsay, you’ve always been that way, even since you were little."

"Really?" I asked.

"One day I picked you up from pre-K and we were sitting on the couch , and you  said, ‘Mommy, I’m tired  of smiling all the time.’ I looked at you and said,  "Lindsay, you don’t have to smile all the time. It’s ok not to always be happy."

I must have been around three. And it makes me feel so sad for the little girl inside myself, but at the same time, it’s so telling. This is how I am, and I shouldn’t expect so much of myself. I end up putting pressure on myself to be happy, and the more pressure I put, the less happy I am.  I can’t believe the three year old little girl is still such a big part of who I am.