except now we have full time jobs, boyfriends turn into fiance’s and then husbands who hopefully last forever, and babysitting eventually becomes a 24/7 thing once you have your own kids.

this is something i am realizing.

i still have the same insecurities about friends. about cliques. about who my friends are and who they aren’t, who is real and who is not. who only calls me because they need something or just because they want to catch up.

i still feel panicky when i am in a situation i’m not comfortable with.

my friends back home still have drama between each other, which i am fortunately not directly involved in, but it makes me sad that such things still go on.

people still judge you based on how you dress or act.

the cool kids still reside in the office, whether you realize it or not.

everyone still wants to be one of them.

we still have no money. what money we do have is going towards a place to live and food. and lets not forget the credit card bills and student loans to get the so-called dream job.

things are just as uncertain today as they were 5 years ago. are you really sure you want to do what you’re doing? do you really belong with these people?

and graduation looms. naps are taken frequently, just to keep up. books are read, papers are written. sometimes they’re good, sometimes they’re not, but you can’t care anymore cuz you’re too damn busy.

senioritis kicks in hardcore.

they say you keep your college friends forever but do you? i hate that people move on, i hate the growing up part, i hate that when i finally find a group of people i am comfortable with its time for me to leave again.

and tomorrow, tomorrow there’s looking at houses. ah! a real grown up thing happening with my grown up relationship. crazy crazy how things turn out.