so as for the funeral.

i dunno. the whole thing was just weird.

its just weird that papa’s gone, and i don’t know another word for it. but the arnold family plot is right off mills, so morbid as it sounds, and even though i know his soul isn’t there, i can visit papa’s grave whenever i want. and give him flowers. he gave me a flower once, right after he got sick, and said, “now you can’t say i never gave you anything.”

i saw a lot of family i hadn’t seen in awhile, like the orlando arnolds. i got up and cried in front of like 300 people. i cried when jayson presented the flag to my grandmother after the national guard did the flag ceremony. it was hard to see jayson cry, because he’s my big cousin and he’s so strong.

the graveside service was nice, but it was weird too.

i walked up to daniel after we got to greenwood cemetery, and he was holding something. it was a box.

“what is that?” i asked him.

“it’s grandpa.” he said. “i don’t want to hold him but i don’t want to put him on the ground either.”

“it’s ok.” i said. and put my arm around him.

so weird.