Lindsay Keegan

i remember being younger and getting really sick. i don’t know if it was strep or what, but i remember my fever being really high. for some reason i got really scared that i was going to die, and i was afraid my mom wouldn’t be able to hear me if something happened because she kept the door closed at night. and then we read this in womens lit.

Hanging Fire
by Audre Lorde

I am fourteen
and my skin has betrayed me
the boy I cannot live without
still sucks his thumb
in secret
how come my knees are
always so ashy
what if I die
before morning
and momma’s in the bedroom
with the door closed.

I have to learn how to dance
in time for the next party
my room is too small for me
suppose I die before graduation
they will sing sad melodies
but finally
tell the truth about me
there is nothing I want to do
and too much
that has to be done
and momma’s in the bedroom
with the door closed.

Nobody even stops to think
about my side of it
I should have been on Math Team
my marks were better than his
why do I have to be
the one
wearing braces
I have nothing to wear tomorrow
will I live long enough to grow up
and momma’s in the bedroom
with the door closed.